My dear soul mate – where are thou?

One of the most important points that many people are longing for in their life, is to find their very unique soul mate. Despite of so much advice out there, this one dream seems to elude itself every time and just doesn't want to manifest…

Having myself been on a roller-coaster for a long time in my life, I have figured out the following lessons that I would like to share with you:

Qualities?

What qualities do you think this person should have? Take the next 5 minutes and write down everything you think your ideal mate should bring along as qualities. Go ahead now, putting it all down in writing helps to clear the confusion, so don't just think about it, but really write it down.

Happy to have you back – are you done?

Now you might have come up with stuff like, that person should make me laugh, be honest and trustworthy, love pets, have brown eyes and long blond hair, be someone who loves to do sports (anything except jogging, soccer, handball and rugby, means only tennis), be the perfect cook, only like horror films, have done this or that profession, wants to have a family of 3 children, be picture perfect handsome, never let the dirty socks lie around in the bathroom and so on and so on…

The list gets quite long isn't it?

I guess you have truly gathered all the ingredients to bake the perfect person for you in the listing of your ideal relationship. And that's ok, because we all start there. What you shouldn't believe is, that this is the outline of the final person you are going to get!

This fairy tale guy or girl who can stand up to all this multitude of wishes we have accumulated in such a listing, just doesn't exist. Sorry to tear down your rose colored glasses, but the reality is quite different from that. We often have completely exaggerated imaginations of what this potential partner should look like, that a real person can hardly do justice to.

Yet without “lowering” your standards, you can still find the person that will be the perfect fit for you, if you accept that we are all human beings and that this person has equally the right to have some flaws just like you. Finding your soul mate does not mean to have a partner without any imperfections.

The next question is: Why?

Why do you want this person to have all these qualities? Are you sure that it is you who wants this person to have that particular outlook or skill? Once you have done that first listing, do you still feel that they are all originating from your own wants and needs?

Or is it rather a collection of things you might have heard from your parents, who would love to have a certain type of individual for you? Maybe also something that your best friend thinks is necessary in a partner? Or what your peers at work or in your studies think represents the ideal mate? Take a hard look at all what you have written down and ask yourself if it is truly you, who wants everything that is written down and why you think that this is vital for you in a partner.

Also remember that this person is not supposed to make you happy. You are a whole being with the responsibility for your own happiness. Your soul mate should complement you and not be the fundamental reason for your well being. Otherwise you put an unbearable burden onto that person to try to cover up what you are not capable of giving to yourself. And this is almost a definite basis for a failed relationship.

So when you are asking yourself, why you value that particular quality in your potential partner, try to think of what you expect that it brings to your life as a couple.

If you should stumble upon the fact, that you have listed some qualities, because you are having difficulties in accepting certain crucial or even many parts of your own being, then maybe what you should do first, is to truly find a way to be at ease with yourself. Before trying to find a partner that is supposed to fill a gap.

Sometimes it is just more appropriate in such a case to be alone and find your own voice, your true self, before trying to override the fact that you have difficulties in living with yourself.

Prioritize!

Let's assume you are generally at ease with who you are and you have listed a bunch of things you would like your ideal mate to have. You know that for the Law of attraction to work, you need to have a goal that is believable to you.

So take the list, where you have added the whys and prioritize! Select the 4 main characteristics of that person you would like to have in your life. Just 4. Don't forget that this is your ideal partner, so take into account, that you will be sharing a good portion of your life together and that you need common goals. It might be that you are looking to make a big corporate career and need someone who is comfortable with that, or that you would like to have someone who shares your love for contemporary art, as this fills a big part of your daily routine. Another possibility might be that you can barely stay in a place for a few months and need to travel the world, so your mate should be sharing that passion with you.

Whatever it is, boil it down to what matters most to you and your unique personality.

Once you have obtained this list, you can use it in your favorite form: on a vision board, in your goals list you keep in your wallet or during your meditation. Now that you have got crystal clear on what you want to have in your soul mate, relax and maintain a regular positive outlook, as you know that this person is on its way :)

Happy manifesting!